Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
