Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Damn victory sex feels great
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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