My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
