It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
