Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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