just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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