I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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