Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
