That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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