Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am one with the molecules
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
