Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he thought i was a dude.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
