I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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