There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
