pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize