Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
vagina is talking i cant
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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