Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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