Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
