We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
