There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
