This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
