I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
