You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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