dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
