my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
