I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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