Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
