THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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