Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
