Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
