you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
