Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Acid is not a monday night drug
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
