i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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