Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
