can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
