U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
