Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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