just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
