Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I want is dick and wine.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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