i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
