I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
