So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
