what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
