There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
