So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
