you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
