this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
