i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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