I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
