just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
