dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
