In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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