She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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