So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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