So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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