Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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