Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
