you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
