I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
