Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
