apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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