Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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