nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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