omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
