Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
