Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
id be glad to
Your mouth is God's brothel.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
