Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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