You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
