Umm I'm too high to move.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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