My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
