He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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