no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
