I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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