i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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