I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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