drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
