there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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