friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
