i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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