I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is wine microwaveable?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize