I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize