Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
