I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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