According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize