i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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