I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
