In the future we'll all be gay
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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