hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
