I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
