he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
