I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
