i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
