I bet he comes in French.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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