You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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