There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
