The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
