just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
