My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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