it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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