Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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