eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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